Wednesday, January 27, 2010
random office realization
The Framework is where all actions, decisions, and sub-goals should emanate to attain that one ultimate goal. Working on things without is spells chaos. This holds true to most spectrum, by the way.
--28 January 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
two letters, one story.
disclaimer:
-this is an attempt to "play" with words. as the title states, this artik is from two different letters written by two different people. hindi din reply ang letter 1 sa letter 2. sinubukan ko lang himayin ang letters at i-match.
-WARNING: cheesy at madrama ito pero walang emotional baggage ang may akda habang ginagawa ito.
0_0: Hi! How're you doin? It's been a while since I last saw you and today might be the last time I will. I've once thought that this day would come but I didn't know it would be this painful...
*_*: Last Saturday, hindi ko inexpect na nandun kayo pareho, sobrang gulat ako nun... but I remembered everything that night at sobrang nagsisisi ako sa mga nasabi at nagawa ko...sana maniwala ka...
0_0: ...for the rest of my life, I will never forget that night...when all the realities of the time being did unfold and hit me. I dunno if you got “real drunk” but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that , you had the guts to tell me how much you are still in pain even after all. You have shown me that in spite of everything that has happened between the day you and XXX broke up and that fateful night, you have loved him with all your heart. Or at least have loved whatever it was between you and Him in the past. And that I, no matter how painful it is for me, can never replace that nor ease the pain away.
*_*: Please, maniwala ka sa mga sasabihin ko... hindi totoo na hindi pa ako nakakagetover sa kanya, hindi totoo yung nasabi ko sa kanya... promise, i swear. Nabigla lang ako sa mga nasabi ko...
0_0: What I want us to do now, is to face the painful realities we have in front of us. That you, all this time, are not yet over him; or at least not yet over your relationship/memories with him. And that I, can never replace XXX in your life just because I’m not him and I can never be him. I did all I can to help you move on. I did all I can to make you feel special and to help you put a smile in your face after your failed relationship. I know how painful it was for you; but I don’t think you know how much more painful it was for me seeing you unhealed even after everything.
*_*: ...hindi ka naging panakip butas...never ko ginawa yun sa'yo... kung naramdaman mo na naging panakip butas ka nga... I'm sorry, hindi ko iniisip na ganun na yung pakiramdam mo...
0_0: ...no matter how hard I try to be the best guy that I can be, it seems like I’m just not the right guy for you; and that whatever it is between us, is because of your fear of being alone, not of us having similar visions of a shared relationship together. I’m sad because I can only be there for you; but it seems like I can never be enough. I tried to be that missing part of you; but maybe I’m just not the one.
*_*: ...mahal kita. Napatunayan ko na sa sarili ko na ikaw na nga hinahanap ko... last sem, di ba once or twice lang yata tayo nagkita at minsan lang tayo mag-usap, at first ok lang naman... pero habang tumatagal, iba na yung pakiramdam. gusto kita makausap, gusto kita makita kasi malungkot na...at kahit na nagsasaya kami ng friends ko at madami akong kausap na guy... iniisip ko sana ikaw na lang 'yun...
0_0: I love you. All these years that I’ve been by your side, I have loved you. Despite all the pain I have felt whenever you tell me how much you love XXX and that you don’t know if you could ever replace him in your life; despite all the hurt it caused me every time you tell me you have feelings for me, and then later cry over your past with Him; despite the countless nights of tears I had because I’ve always felt that I can never be enough for you; despite all these, I have loved you without judgment and regret but utmost sincerity, understanding, and respect.
*_*:...if you want time and space, I understand... sana bumalik ka lang agad...
0_0: I’m letting you go. I’m letting us go. We need to accept that things would have to end this way, that we should allow us both to be free enough to seek whatever it is that will make us happy; whatever and whoever it is that will make YOU happy. After all, as I’ve been telling you: in this story, what matters most to me, is your happiness.
But just before I finally say goodbye, I wanna say a few more things that I may never tell you again. I thank you for everything. Thank you for inspiring me and making my life happier by just being in it. Thank you for all the good and the bad memories I will never forget. Thank you for teaching me life’s most important lessons. And though I may not have said this before or I may never say this ever again, I want you to know that the moments I have shared with you will always be one of the happiest moments of my life. And that will never change. No matter what happens. No matter who else comes…
*_*: ...would you still be my boyfriend?
0_0: ...from this day on, you will always be my first girlfriend that I never had.
-this is an attempt to "play" with words. as the title states, this artik is from two different letters written by two different people. hindi din reply ang letter 1 sa letter 2. sinubukan ko lang himayin ang letters at i-match.
-WARNING: cheesy at madrama ito pero walang emotional baggage ang may akda habang ginagawa ito.
oOo
TWO LETTERS, ONE STORY.
*_*: Hi! Busy ka na naman siguro kaya di ka nagpaparamdam. Nagpapamiss ulit, effective din kahit papaano.TWO LETTERS, ONE STORY.
0_0: Hi! How're you doin? It's been a while since I last saw you and today might be the last time I will. I've once thought that this day would come but I didn't know it would be this painful...
-------------
*_*: Last Saturday, hindi ko inexpect na nandun kayo pareho, sobrang gulat ako nun... but I remembered everything that night at sobrang nagsisisi ako sa mga nasabi at nagawa ko...sana maniwala ka...
0_0: ...for the rest of my life, I will never forget that night...when all the realities of the time being did unfold and hit me. I dunno if you got “real drunk” but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that , you had the guts to tell me how much you are still in pain even after all. You have shown me that in spite of everything that has happened between the day you and XXX broke up and that fateful night, you have loved him with all your heart. Or at least have loved whatever it was between you and Him in the past. And that I, no matter how painful it is for me, can never replace that nor ease the pain away.
-------------
*_*: Please, maniwala ka sa mga sasabihin ko... hindi totoo na hindi pa ako nakakagetover sa kanya, hindi totoo yung nasabi ko sa kanya... promise, i swear. Nabigla lang ako sa mga nasabi ko...
0_0: What I want us to do now, is to face the painful realities we have in front of us. That you, all this time, are not yet over him; or at least not yet over your relationship/memories with him. And that I, can never replace XXX in your life just because I’m not him and I can never be him. I did all I can to help you move on. I did all I can to make you feel special and to help you put a smile in your face after your failed relationship. I know how painful it was for you; but I don’t think you know how much more painful it was for me seeing you unhealed even after everything.
-------------
*_*: ...hindi ka naging panakip butas...never ko ginawa yun sa'yo... kung naramdaman mo na naging panakip butas ka nga... I'm sorry, hindi ko iniisip na ganun na yung pakiramdam mo...
0_0: ...no matter how hard I try to be the best guy that I can be, it seems like I’m just not the right guy for you; and that whatever it is between us, is because of your fear of being alone, not of us having similar visions of a shared relationship together. I’m sad because I can only be there for you; but it seems like I can never be enough. I tried to be that missing part of you; but maybe I’m just not the one.
-------------
*_*: ...mahal kita. Napatunayan ko na sa sarili ko na ikaw na nga hinahanap ko... last sem, di ba once or twice lang yata tayo nagkita at minsan lang tayo mag-usap, at first ok lang naman... pero habang tumatagal, iba na yung pakiramdam. gusto kita makausap, gusto kita makita kasi malungkot na...at kahit na nagsasaya kami ng friends ko at madami akong kausap na guy... iniisip ko sana ikaw na lang 'yun...
0_0: I love you. All these years that I’ve been by your side, I have loved you. Despite all the pain I have felt whenever you tell me how much you love XXX and that you don’t know if you could ever replace him in your life; despite all the hurt it caused me every time you tell me you have feelings for me, and then later cry over your past with Him; despite the countless nights of tears I had because I’ve always felt that I can never be enough for you; despite all these, I have loved you without judgment and regret but utmost sincerity, understanding, and respect.
--------------
*_*:...if you want time and space, I understand... sana bumalik ka lang agad...
0_0: I’m letting you go. I’m letting us go. We need to accept that things would have to end this way, that we should allow us both to be free enough to seek whatever it is that will make us happy; whatever and whoever it is that will make YOU happy. After all, as I’ve been telling you: in this story, what matters most to me, is your happiness.
But just before I finally say goodbye, I wanna say a few more things that I may never tell you again. I thank you for everything. Thank you for inspiring me and making my life happier by just being in it. Thank you for all the good and the bad memories I will never forget. Thank you for teaching me life’s most important lessons. And though I may not have said this before or I may never say this ever again, I want you to know that the moments I have shared with you will always be one of the happiest moments of my life. And that will never change. No matter what happens. No matter who else comes…
-------------
*_*: ...would you still be my boyfriend?
0_0: ...from this day on, you will always be my first girlfriend that I never had.
------------
THE END.
10 ways to show her you love(d) her
here's another artik from my "baul" files. cant remember when i wrote this but it's a pretty funny read. made me remember a lot of things. haha!
1. Because you have not seen her for quite some time, ask her to watch a movie with you in the middle of your very busy schedule. Certainly, she will not hesitate. Surprise her by reserving 2 very good movie seats ahead of time. While on your way to pick her up, she'll text you that she can't come, that she changed her mind. Never tell her you planned a surprise for her, she might feel guilty and hurt. Tell her that it's okay and you understand her. Tell her that there will always be a next time. You will end up watching the movie with your two siblings--giving them the 2 good seats you reserved and then buying a last minute shitty seat for yourself.
2. Give her a compilation of all your articles about her--from the moment you met her until the night before you'll meet her for another random surprise. Tell all the good things about her, about your feelings for her. Make her feel better by saying how much you love her and how much you treasure every single second that you spend with her. That mini book is your first "book". Give her your only copy and tell her to keep it. It's hers now.
3. Help her in her thesis. You don't understand what their thesis is all about. You are not good in understanding all those chemicals and substances but don't let her down. Go out of your comfort zone and research on those chemicals and substances so you can help her at the very least. In times when you really are helpless, just stay with her all night long. Call her once in a while, text her... Check if she's doing fine and offer any help you can. Just don't leave her alone.
4. Walk with her in the flooded streets of Espana just so you can avoid the traffic, and bring her home just before her "curfew". She will not like it. She will get irritated and will end up snobbing you. If she tells you she won't talk to you, she really won't. Just be patient. Tell her it won't happen again because you'll buy a car in the future and never let her beautiful feet touch the dirty waters of Espana ever again.
5. Tell her you love her, and mean it. She knows that you are not "directly expressive" so it will make her feel good to hear you tell her "I love you" in the most unexpected hours of the day. Remember that there is no right timing. Just say so if you feel like saying it. She'll appreciate that.
6. Think about her. Always. You may not always be with her all the time because you two are living two different lives, but that won't stop you from thinking about her. You travel a lot and go from one place to another, and when you do, text her and tell her that you're having fun but you could have been much happier if she was with you at the moment. And again, mean it.
7. Because you know how much she loves butterflies, bring her to a butterfly garden. You have no idea where hell butterfly gardens are located in the country so you spend some time in the office surfing the net, searching where butterfly gardens are. Pick her one afternoon and ask her parents if you could bring her somewhere for a surprise. (You take her to the butterfly garden only to find out that it has been temporarily closed. Don't worry, it's the thought that counts.)
8. For no reason, ask her out whenever she's free. And though it is never your character to put your "career" next to anything else, you don't mind retracting that if it's for her. If her free time goes against your planner, cancel ALL your pre-scheduled agenda for the day. Tell them you need to do something more important. Do these, all for one reason: you just want to spend some time with her. Time is the best gift a busy person can give to someone special.
9. Accept everything about her--her past, her present. Accept her for who she was and for who she is now. Accept her mistakes, her flaws, her everything--including the fact that she just can't love you back.
10. And lastly, in times when you are in pain after all the things that happened, never ever blame her. Just love her, just love her.
"when a person is able to talk about something
more openly now than before,
it's a sign that he/she is over it..."
more openly now than before,
it's a sign that he/she is over it..."
oOo
1. Because you have not seen her for quite some time, ask her to watch a movie with you in the middle of your very busy schedule. Certainly, she will not hesitate. Surprise her by reserving 2 very good movie seats ahead of time. While on your way to pick her up, she'll text you that she can't come, that she changed her mind. Never tell her you planned a surprise for her, she might feel guilty and hurt. Tell her that it's okay and you understand her. Tell her that there will always be a next time. You will end up watching the movie with your two siblings--giving them the 2 good seats you reserved and then buying a last minute shitty seat for yourself. 
2. Give her a compilation of all your articles about her--from the moment you met her until the night before you'll meet her for another random surprise. Tell all the good things about her, about your feelings for her. Make her feel better by saying how much you love her and how much you treasure every single second that you spend with her. That mini book is your first "book". Give her your only copy and tell her to keep it. It's hers now.
3. Help her in her thesis. You don't understand what their thesis is all about. You are not good in understanding all those chemicals and substances but don't let her down. Go out of your comfort zone and research on those chemicals and substances so you can help her at the very least. In times when you really are helpless, just stay with her all night long. Call her once in a while, text her... Check if she's doing fine and offer any help you can. Just don't leave her alone. 
4. Walk with her in the flooded streets of Espana just so you can avoid the traffic, and bring her home just before her "curfew". She will not like it. She will get irritated and will end up snobbing you. If she tells you she won't talk to you, she really won't. Just be patient. Tell her it won't happen again because you'll buy a car in the future and never let her beautiful feet touch the dirty waters of Espana ever again. 
5. Tell her you love her, and mean it. She knows that you are not "directly expressive" so it will make her feel good to hear you tell her "I love you" in the most unexpected hours of the day. Remember that there is no right timing. Just say so if you feel like saying it. She'll appreciate that. 
6. Think about her. Always. You may not always be with her all the time because you two are living two different lives, but that won't stop you from thinking about her. You travel a lot and go from one place to another, and when you do, text her and tell her that you're having fun but you could have been much happier if she was with you at the moment. And again, mean it. 
7. Because you know how much she loves butterflies, bring her to a butterfly garden. You have no idea where hell butterfly gardens are located in the country so you spend some time in the office surfing the net, searching where butterfly gardens are. Pick her one afternoon and ask her parents if you could bring her somewhere for a surprise. (You take her to the butterfly garden only to find out that it has been temporarily closed. Don't worry, it's the thought that counts.) 
8. For no reason, ask her out whenever she's free. And though it is never your character to put your "career" next to anything else, you don't mind retracting that if it's for her. If her free time goes against your planner, cancel ALL your pre-scheduled agenda for the day. Tell them you need to do something more important. Do these, all for one reason: you just want to spend some time with her. Time is the best gift a busy person can give to someone special. 
9. Accept everything about her--her past, her present. Accept her for who she was and for who she is now. Accept her mistakes, her flaws, her everything--including the fact that she just can't love you back. 
10. And lastly, in times when you are in pain after all the things that happened, never ever blame her. Just love her, just love her.some thoughts on sunday mass(es) and the church
DISCLAIMER:
1. This is not an academic/genius blog post. This is a personal observation and all my claims, arguments, and premises are debatable. I do not wish to argue. I wish to think out loud.
2. The topic is, obviously, sensitive and has launched a thousand "wars" for the longest time. I do not wish to provoke one, however. Again, I just want to express some thoughts.
3. I am technically a Catholic; and so by Church, I mean the Catholic Church. My--technically--church. =))
4. I am just bored. Hahaha!
Sundays mark the Sabbath day for us, Catholics. And according to the Church, it is a "must" for us to give/spend at least an hour of our week with the Lord by going to church and participating in the Eucharist. I am not against that. Really. I am not against "going to church" to actually "profess and express our faith" there. In fact, my family religiously attends the Sunday mass each and every week--rain or shine. There are special cases, though, where the family cannot attend the mass for one VALID reason or another.
I am not an atheist either. I swear to God (ooops. violation on the 2nd Commandment), I believe in Him. I have a God named Jesus. The same God all the Catholics believe into. I believe in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit--the Holy Trinity (actually, I don't really care whether he is "man" or "divine"; or if he really has three forms/faces. All I know is I believe in Him and I offer everything to Him). Enough said, this blog is NOT an anti-God post.
I came from a strictly Catholic School (since Grade School) and a very devout family. I used to know and memorize (by heart) all the 20 mysteries of the Holy Rosary, the 10 Commandments, the 2 Great Commandments, the 8 Beatitudes, the 7 Sacraments of the Church, the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, name it. My catholic faith is both meta-physical and theoretical. Enough said.
After High School, I studied in UP. My strong catholic beliefs and foundation (as far as my religion is concerned) came to face many other beliefs. My faith has faced Islam, other forms of Christianity, Buddhism, Scientology, Rizalistas, Atheism, and what have you. After 4 years--thanks to my Catholic formation back on my GS and HS days--my faith in God has been strengthened; though, a little bit modified (I hope, for the better).
In a university where the brightest minds meet, students with backgrounds like mine (hardcore Catholic formation) would really be shocked. The Catholic Church that I used to view as the vessel of my faith and the concrete manifestation of my religious beliefs, ran by magical prayers and mantras that could literally change the world and the hearts of the people is simply viewed as an "institution" along with government, the family, the military, and other "equivalent" religions and institutions. At first, it was disappointing. It was as if the "magic" of my faith has gone.
But fortunately--maybe because I am a UP student, or maybe because I came from a Catholic School, or maybe because of both, or maybe because of something other than the three--the disappointment lasted quite quickly. It was transformed to the thirst for knowledge and the curiosity to view things critically. Through it, I was able to take not only the positive things about my (and the others') Church but their criticisms as well.
Everybody asks: What has my long intro (a.k.a. history/storytelling) which seems to go nowhere got to do with this blog post?!
I say this: Nothing directly, really. Haha. That is just to establish that whatever you are about to read from here is a product of a faith deeply rooted in the belief of one God and the critical values a battlefield called UP has instilled in me. That is to say, in further, that whatever it is that I believe into right now, is where I am happy. It is what I think is right and good for me and my fellowmen. After all, that, I think, is what religion is all about.
BACK TO BUSINESS:
I still believe in God. The same God I knew since time immemorial. I am still a Catholic, if by being a Catholic, you mean that person who writes "Catholic" in the line across the word "Religion:" I am still a Catholic, if by that, you mean that person who goes to church every Sunday; practices the "traditions" such as Lenten Season, Christmas Season, etc.; and lives out the values that are considered moral and good as far as the "church" is concerned.
However, with all humility, I have to say that I have "lost" my faith in the Catholic Church. Or maybe not "lost"; just disappointed, disillusioned, whatever term one would like to call it. Anyway, by church, I mean the Catholic Church. The structure. The organization. The people in it (except God who is, technically, the Head of the Church). This is not to say, however, that by losing faith in my Church means that I came to believe in another church. It is just that I don't know much about the other churches so I do not wish to elaborate on them. I can only speak for and about my church.
I still believe in God. But "not in the Church" anymore.
I learned to value and practice praying now more than I ever did in the past. But not "the Eucharist" a.k.a. "the Mass", which, according to the teachings of the Church, is the highest form of prayer.
I know that while reading this, you may think that I am just confusing myself. But no, I am not confused and I do not wish to confuse you either. Just try, you will understand me. Haha.
Sunday Mass. It is a religious obligation--however they wanna call it, it means the same, I think. And I'm not against it. I actually think that Sunday masses are so powerful. They can change the country for the better. But it is for the same reason that I get disappointed.
The homily a while ago talked about "pagmamahal sa kapwa". The priest, as usual, quoted a lot of lines in the bible, tried to explain it in the most number of words possible. I dunno if he was aware, but I think more than half of the “audience” were asleep. He then concluded his sermon by saying: Pero alam niyo, para matanggap mo ang kapwa mo ay kailangan mo magdasal...
I found it fallacious, pathetic, useless, misleading even. He discussed a very good topic. Kapwa. Pagmamahal. Pagmamahal sa kapwa. This is, for me, one of the best things that if discussed with heart and listened by an open mind, could actually start the change in our country.
The priest this afternoon talked about “kapwa” in the vaguest way possible. With all humility, I really think that I could’ve said better and more interesting things if I was in front doing the sermon. The gist of his approximately 15min-homily is that God asked us to love our neighbors/fellowmen; but it is because of our human nature that makes it difficult for us to do so. He concluded that the way to resolve it is to pray. I know exactly what he meant. I got his point. But I thought it was incomplete, if not non-sense at all.
In his 15-minute boring “speech”, he could’ve talked about deeper and more interesting things about “kapwa”. We are Filipinos. I assume that most, if not all the people listening to Father X know what “kapwa” means. But I can bet, that only a few has actually lived out the spirit of “kapwa”. It’s easy to say that we must love our fellowmen just as Father X said. And without him saying that, I believe, the people know that universal value.
Those were the things that got into my mind when I first heard him spoke about kapwa. I wonder why Father was not able to bank on that. I wonder why, of all possible approaches, he chose to bank on the “praying in order for us to love our kapwa”. I wonder why the church (or maybe the priests)—each and every Sunday—rely on sermons which are far from reality. They keep on teaching and asking the people to pray. But what have we gotten in praying alone? I learned in HS that prayers without actions are useless. And each and every Sunday, I only get to see many of them—sermons without concrete actions. They always end up in a suggestion of praying. But no talk about what can we concretely do. In the homily about kapwa, I dunno why Father did not mention anything about kapwa-Pilipino. About kapwa-tao. Is it because he really has another approach or he just doesn’t know who the real kapwa is?
The other Sunday, another priest talked about poverty and how saddening the country’s situation is. He concluded his homily by saying that we need to pray more. And after Communion, announced that a second collection is to be done in order to finish the renovation of the Church’s altar. The altar, by the way, has no leaks, whatsoever. It is renovated to look more beautiful.
For god's sake, you talk about poverty and praying that the poor be of better situation but you have the guts to spend money for renovating the church, for the shrine to be more beautiful than usual, for it to be elegant and majestic. For what? For people to be impressed? For God to be impressed in a beautiful altar and in turn grant us our prayers? You talk about poverty. You have the money. I don’t think it is too much for you to spend it to feed the hungry instead of beautifying the altar. I know and I understand that the church has its poverty programs, etc and only a small part of the money will be spent for beautification. The church may even say that it is not their mandate to feed the hungry and that’s not what I’m saying. I am not against beautifying the altar either. I’m just after consistency. In truthfulness in words. I don’t want them to be like the Pharisees who they said are sinners for they don’t act what they preach. The church is our religious leader. Our people look up to it and actions such as I’ve mentioned are confusing if not hypocritical.
He talked about poverty. Filipinos know what it is. We see it each and every single day. We even call our church—the Catholic church—the Church of the Poor. Poverty as part of the homily should not be taken in a manner as if it is a concept afloat. I think it should be dealt concretely. I think that more than prayers and praying, we can do something else in order to address the problem. I think that, explaining the importance of PhP1 a day for our less fortunate brothers and sisters would be more effective rather than merely asking the people to pray for the poor and later on pass on a basket announced as a Pondo ng Pinoy donation. I bet all church-goers would have heard of PnP more than once. But I bet, too, that only a few really knows what it is and what it is for. The project is good. The intention is outstandingly very Christian. But I think the Catholics deserve clearer explanations on how they are able to help through such projects. That way, we may become more attached as a people; that way, we may become better Christians.
If you get to understand my line of thinking, it is clear that I'm really not against "Sunday Mass". What I am against is on how it is “conducted”. On how such a powerful mechanism (I know the church does not view it that way; they actually view it as a mere "highest form of prayer") attended by millions and millions of Filipinos every Sunday (not to mention that masses are held everyday) is “used and wasted”.
We are a third world country as far as the whole globe is concerned. Tons of social problems envelope the society and what we need are concrete resolutions. Concrete things that spell morality. Prayers are important, the mass is important as well, but “enough of them”. The church has to understand its critical role not only to save mankind from hell. But to save and help Filipinos from dying in poverty, in saving the youth from a bleak future, in nation-building and the realization that we are as one Filipinos amidst the crises we are experiencing. The church has to realize (I pray they need not to, in the hope that they really do know) and help people realize that there are a lot more things to be done beyond praying.
I am not against the church. I see it as one of the most powerful means on which our society can be put into order—especially now when our people have seem to have lost their faith in government. But it is for the same reason that I get sad, and disappointed, and losing faith in it (church). The church doesn’t seem to see this; or if it does, is afraid to act on it--afraid of being tagged and accused of politicking and being not-so-religious-in-the-traditional-sense-of-the-word. But that is exactly the point. The church has to be dynamic in addressing the needs of its people. It has to understand that it has to change in order to be relevant, in order to be effective. The church is a powerful institution. It should maximize its strengths and roles in a society like ours. Let not our people be blinded by faith; instead, see the light through it.
I would want to challenge the church to overhaul and think of a better system for it to be more effective. But I won’t. UP students are known to be radical thinkers; but we are not stupid. And the two are extremely different things. I would want "an extreme change" in the church but I would not dwell on that. Maybe we can take it one step at a time, instead.
I urge the church to be responsive, to be more effective. If only through the simplest way of making their homilies closer to the people and closer to reality we are living in; If only these priests would learn to turn their “boring speeches” every Sunday into 15 minutes of bothering sermons based on what people actually experience; If only the church decides to initiate the modest changes it could have for the better; I think that improvement may be achievable. I think that change may be within our reach.
But the church is known for age-old traditions. And not on blog posts like this can we expect change. It is a traditional and conventional institution that is, if I may say, not open to changes (for one reason or another—elaborating on this would entail yet another series of debates). I am not being hopeless. I am being a realist.
So for the time being, I will continue going to church as long as my family does. And unless Fathers X , Y, and Z continue to say their sermons in the vaguest possible ways and farther into the reality we all know, I will expect disappointing and sleepy Sundays ahead. I will expect more people to sleep during the mass. And I will expect a society unchanged even after a gazillion of prayers.
Good Luck to us. And God Bless us all!
1. This is not an academic/genius blog post. This is a personal observation and all my claims, arguments, and premises are debatable. I do not wish to argue. I wish to think out loud.
2. The topic is, obviously, sensitive and has launched a thousand "wars" for the longest time. I do not wish to provoke one, however. Again, I just want to express some thoughts.
3. I am technically a Catholic; and so by Church, I mean the Catholic Church. My--technically--church. =))
4. I am just bored. Hahaha!
----------------------------------
SOME THOUGHTS ON SUNDAY MASS(ES) AND THE CHURCH
Sundays mark the Sabbath day for us, Catholics. And according to the Church, it is a "must" for us to give/spend at least an hour of our week with the Lord by going to church and participating in the Eucharist. I am not against that. Really. I am not against "going to church" to actually "profess and express our faith" there. In fact, my family religiously attends the Sunday mass each and every week--rain or shine. There are special cases, though, where the family cannot attend the mass for one VALID reason or another.
I am not an atheist either. I swear to God (ooops. violation on the 2nd Commandment), I believe in Him. I have a God named Jesus. The same God all the Catholics believe into. I believe in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit--the Holy Trinity (actually, I don't really care whether he is "man" or "divine"; or if he really has three forms/faces. All I know is I believe in Him and I offer everything to Him). Enough said, this blog is NOT an anti-God post.
I came from a strictly Catholic School (since Grade School) and a very devout family. I used to know and memorize (by heart) all the 20 mysteries of the Holy Rosary, the 10 Commandments, the 2 Great Commandments, the 8 Beatitudes, the 7 Sacraments of the Church, the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, name it. My catholic faith is both meta-physical and theoretical. Enough said.
After High School, I studied in UP. My strong catholic beliefs and foundation (as far as my religion is concerned) came to face many other beliefs. My faith has faced Islam, other forms of Christianity, Buddhism, Scientology, Rizalistas, Atheism, and what have you. After 4 years--thanks to my Catholic formation back on my GS and HS days--my faith in God has been strengthened; though, a little bit modified (I hope, for the better).
In a university where the brightest minds meet, students with backgrounds like mine (hardcore Catholic formation) would really be shocked. The Catholic Church that I used to view as the vessel of my faith and the concrete manifestation of my religious beliefs, ran by magical prayers and mantras that could literally change the world and the hearts of the people is simply viewed as an "institution" along with government, the family, the military, and other "equivalent" religions and institutions. At first, it was disappointing. It was as if the "magic" of my faith has gone.
But fortunately--maybe because I am a UP student, or maybe because I came from a Catholic School, or maybe because of both, or maybe because of something other than the three--the disappointment lasted quite quickly. It was transformed to the thirst for knowledge and the curiosity to view things critically. Through it, I was able to take not only the positive things about my (and the others') Church but their criticisms as well.
Everybody asks: What has my long intro (a.k.a. history/storytelling) which seems to go nowhere got to do with this blog post?!
I say this: Nothing directly, really. Haha. That is just to establish that whatever you are about to read from here is a product of a faith deeply rooted in the belief of one God and the critical values a battlefield called UP has instilled in me. That is to say, in further, that whatever it is that I believe into right now, is where I am happy. It is what I think is right and good for me and my fellowmen. After all, that, I think, is what religion is all about.
BACK TO BUSINESS:
I still believe in God. The same God I knew since time immemorial. I am still a Catholic, if by being a Catholic, you mean that person who writes "Catholic" in the line across the word "Religion:" I am still a Catholic, if by that, you mean that person who goes to church every Sunday; practices the "traditions" such as Lenten Season, Christmas Season, etc.; and lives out the values that are considered moral and good as far as the "church" is concerned.
However, with all humility, I have to say that I have "lost" my faith in the Catholic Church. Or maybe not "lost"; just disappointed, disillusioned, whatever term one would like to call it. Anyway, by church, I mean the Catholic Church. The structure. The organization. The people in it (except God who is, technically, the Head of the Church). This is not to say, however, that by losing faith in my Church means that I came to believe in another church. It is just that I don't know much about the other churches so I do not wish to elaborate on them. I can only speak for and about my church.
I still believe in God. But "not in the Church" anymore.
I learned to value and practice praying now more than I ever did in the past. But not "the Eucharist" a.k.a. "the Mass", which, according to the teachings of the Church, is the highest form of prayer.
THOUGHTS ON THE CHURCH AND SUNDAY MASSES
I know that while reading this, you may think that I am just confusing myself. But no, I am not confused and I do not wish to confuse you either. Just try, you will understand me. Haha.Sunday Mass. It is a religious obligation--however they wanna call it, it means the same, I think. And I'm not against it. I actually think that Sunday masses are so powerful. They can change the country for the better. But it is for the same reason that I get disappointed.
The homily a while ago talked about "pagmamahal sa kapwa". The priest, as usual, quoted a lot of lines in the bible, tried to explain it in the most number of words possible. I dunno if he was aware, but I think more than half of the “audience” were asleep. He then concluded his sermon by saying: Pero alam niyo, para matanggap mo ang kapwa mo ay kailangan mo magdasal...
I found it fallacious, pathetic, useless, misleading even. He discussed a very good topic. Kapwa. Pagmamahal. Pagmamahal sa kapwa. This is, for me, one of the best things that if discussed with heart and listened by an open mind, could actually start the change in our country.
The priest this afternoon talked about “kapwa” in the vaguest way possible. With all humility, I really think that I could’ve said better and more interesting things if I was in front doing the sermon. The gist of his approximately 15min-homily is that God asked us to love our neighbors/fellowmen; but it is because of our human nature that makes it difficult for us to do so. He concluded that the way to resolve it is to pray. I know exactly what he meant. I got his point. But I thought it was incomplete, if not non-sense at all.
In his 15-minute boring “speech”, he could’ve talked about deeper and more interesting things about “kapwa”. We are Filipinos. I assume that most, if not all the people listening to Father X know what “kapwa” means. But I can bet, that only a few has actually lived out the spirit of “kapwa”. It’s easy to say that we must love our fellowmen just as Father X said. And without him saying that, I believe, the people know that universal value.
Walang katapusan ang konsepto ng kapwa, lalo na sa’ting mga Pilipino. Kung may isang foreigner sa ating lugar, malamang sa malamang ay ituturing natin itong “kapwa-tao” sa kabila ng pagkakaiba ng lahi. Mapagkalinga tayong mga Pinoy. Kadalasan nga, angat sa iba ang ating pagkalinga. Walang duda kung bakit lahat yata ng foreigner na dumating dito sa atin ay napasambit ng “Mahal kow pow kayowng lahatttt..” Pero gaano kalalim ang pagtingin natin sa konspeto ng Kapwa? Kung tunay nating alam kung sino ang ating kapwa at tayo’y naniniwala na dapat natin silang mahalin at kalingain, e di sana’y walang mamamatay sa gutom. Maaaring may mahirap, pero dahil mahal natin ang kapwa natin, ay tutulungan natin sila sa abot ng ating makakaya. Kung alam natin ang tunay na pagmamahal sa kapwa, e di sana’y walang Pilipinong niloloko ng kapwa Pilipino. E di sana hindi nananakawan ang walang kalaban-labang Juan dela Cruz ng mga kapwa Pilipino niyang inihalal at pinagkatiwalaan.Kung alam natin ang konspeto ng pagmamahal sa kapwa, dapat sana walang away ang Muslim at Kristiyano.
Those were the things that got into my mind when I first heard him spoke about kapwa. I wonder why Father was not able to bank on that. I wonder why, of all possible approaches, he chose to bank on the “praying in order for us to love our kapwa”. I wonder why the church (or maybe the priests)—each and every Sunday—rely on sermons which are far from reality. They keep on teaching and asking the people to pray. But what have we gotten in praying alone? I learned in HS that prayers without actions are useless. And each and every Sunday, I only get to see many of them—sermons without concrete actions. They always end up in a suggestion of praying. But no talk about what can we concretely do. In the homily about kapwa, I dunno why Father did not mention anything about kapwa-Pilipino. About kapwa-tao. Is it because he really has another approach or he just doesn’t know who the real kapwa is?
The other Sunday, another priest talked about poverty and how saddening the country’s situation is. He concluded his homily by saying that we need to pray more. And after Communion, announced that a second collection is to be done in order to finish the renovation of the Church’s altar. The altar, by the way, has no leaks, whatsoever. It is renovated to look more beautiful.
For god's sake, you talk about poverty and praying that the poor be of better situation but you have the guts to spend money for renovating the church, for the shrine to be more beautiful than usual, for it to be elegant and majestic. For what? For people to be impressed? For God to be impressed in a beautiful altar and in turn grant us our prayers? You talk about poverty. You have the money. I don’t think it is too much for you to spend it to feed the hungry instead of beautifying the altar. I know and I understand that the church has its poverty programs, etc and only a small part of the money will be spent for beautification. The church may even say that it is not their mandate to feed the hungry and that’s not what I’m saying. I am not against beautifying the altar either. I’m just after consistency. In truthfulness in words. I don’t want them to be like the Pharisees who they said are sinners for they don’t act what they preach. The church is our religious leader. Our people look up to it and actions such as I’ve mentioned are confusing if not hypocritical.
He talked about poverty. Filipinos know what it is. We see it each and every single day. We even call our church—the Catholic church—the Church of the Poor. Poverty as part of the homily should not be taken in a manner as if it is a concept afloat. I think it should be dealt concretely. I think that more than prayers and praying, we can do something else in order to address the problem. I think that, explaining the importance of PhP1 a day for our less fortunate brothers and sisters would be more effective rather than merely asking the people to pray for the poor and later on pass on a basket announced as a Pondo ng Pinoy donation. I bet all church-goers would have heard of PnP more than once. But I bet, too, that only a few really knows what it is and what it is for. The project is good. The intention is outstandingly very Christian. But I think the Catholics deserve clearer explanations on how they are able to help through such projects. That way, we may become more attached as a people; that way, we may become better Christians.
If you get to understand my line of thinking, it is clear that I'm really not against "Sunday Mass". What I am against is on how it is “conducted”. On how such a powerful mechanism (I know the church does not view it that way; they actually view it as a mere "highest form of prayer") attended by millions and millions of Filipinos every Sunday (not to mention that masses are held everyday) is “used and wasted”.
We are a third world country as far as the whole globe is concerned. Tons of social problems envelope the society and what we need are concrete resolutions. Concrete things that spell morality. Prayers are important, the mass is important as well, but “enough of them”. The church has to understand its critical role not only to save mankind from hell. But to save and help Filipinos from dying in poverty, in saving the youth from a bleak future, in nation-building and the realization that we are as one Filipinos amidst the crises we are experiencing. The church has to realize (I pray they need not to, in the hope that they really do know) and help people realize that there are a lot more things to be done beyond praying.
I am not against the church. I see it as one of the most powerful means on which our society can be put into order—especially now when our people have seem to have lost their faith in government. But it is for the same reason that I get sad, and disappointed, and losing faith in it (church). The church doesn’t seem to see this; or if it does, is afraid to act on it--afraid of being tagged and accused of politicking and being not-so-religious-in-the-traditional-sense-of-the-word. But that is exactly the point. The church has to be dynamic in addressing the needs of its people. It has to understand that it has to change in order to be relevant, in order to be effective. The church is a powerful institution. It should maximize its strengths and roles in a society like ours. Let not our people be blinded by faith; instead, see the light through it.
I would want to challenge the church to overhaul and think of a better system for it to be more effective. But I won’t. UP students are known to be radical thinkers; but we are not stupid. And the two are extremely different things. I would want "an extreme change" in the church but I would not dwell on that. Maybe we can take it one step at a time, instead.
I urge the church to be responsive, to be more effective. If only through the simplest way of making their homilies closer to the people and closer to reality we are living in; If only these priests would learn to turn their “boring speeches” every Sunday into 15 minutes of bothering sermons based on what people actually experience; If only the church decides to initiate the modest changes it could have for the better; I think that improvement may be achievable. I think that change may be within our reach.
But the church is known for age-old traditions. And not on blog posts like this can we expect change. It is a traditional and conventional institution that is, if I may say, not open to changes (for one reason or another—elaborating on this would entail yet another series of debates). I am not being hopeless. I am being a realist.
So for the time being, I will continue going to church as long as my family does. And unless Fathers X , Y, and Z continue to say their sermons in the vaguest possible ways and farther into the reality we all know, I will expect disappointing and sleepy Sundays ahead. I will expect more people to sleep during the mass. And I will expect a society unchanged even after a gazillion of prayers.
Good Luck to us. And God Bless us all!
Friday, January 22, 2010
your type of guy
**Ang mga kalalakihang mababanggit sa ibaba ay personal na nakasalumuha ng may akda. Marahil may iba't ibang klase pa ng lalaki pero ang mga sumusunod ay ayon sa karansan at perspektibo ng may akda.
BATO-BATO SA LANGIT, ANG TAMAAN, GUILTY.
Type A-- Una sa listahan si "Mr. Single and who cares?". Siya ang tipo ng lalaki na--obviously sa pangalan--hindi commited at walang pakialam dito. Pwedeng dahil hindi pa niya nakikita ang gusto niya o pwedeng hindi pa sya handa sa isang relasyon o pwedeng kakatapos lang niya sa isang relasyon. Anu pa man ang rason, hindi masyadong namumrublema si "Mr. Single and Who Cares" sa kanyang lovelife maliban na lang sa mga pagkakataong may nagtatapat na isang babae sa kanya at sinasabing "I think I love you..."
Type B-- Ibang klase naman si guy#2. He is "The Seriously and Happily Commited". Medyo rare specie si guy#2 kumpara sa iba pang kalalakihan. Siya ang lalaking nakakita ng liwanag sa kalangitan, tumingala, nakakita ng liwanag at sinabing: *drum roll* "SIYA NA NGA!". Loyal si guy#2 at masayang-masaya sa piling ng kanyang one and only lady love. Karaniwang pinag-uusapan nila ng kanyang gf ang mga pangrap nila para sa future na gustung gusto na nilang simulan. Usually healthy ang ganitong kaso lalo na kung partner ni "Mr. Happily and Seriously Commited" si "Ms. Happily and Seriuosly Commited". At syempre pa nga pala...gustung-gusto ng mga kababaihan ang mga tipo ni guy#2...Yun nga lang, sorry girls, happily and SERIOUSLY commited na nga siya diba?!
Type C-- Kung kasikatan naman ang pag-uusapan, malamang panalo na si "Mr. Multi-tasker". Panu ba naman hindi sisikat at hindi papangalanang multi-tasker e ang daming ginagawa...Sya lang naman ang boyfriend ni girl-A, ni girl-B, girl-C (all at the same time) at kasalukuyang nanliligaw kay girl-D?! Anak ng! Anyway, hindi ko masisisi si Mr. Multi-tasker dahil nung nagpaulan ang diyos ng kagwapuhan at sex appeal, siya ang nasa harap. Kaya naman ayun, head turner talaga sa mga babae. Ang mga babae naman, ayun, sabay-sabay nalalaglag ang mga panty pag dumaan na si Mr. Multitasker...Dahil dito sa katangian niyang ito, kilala rin sya sa screen name na "Mr. Fling". Minsan tinanong ko siya kung bakit siya ganyan...Ang sabi niya, naghahanap siya ng babaeng "sort of magpapabago" sa kanya...kebs na lang kung masaktan ang ibang girls na itatago natin sa mga palayaw nilang X1, X2, X3.1, X3.2 (dahil nagkabalikan uli sila pero iniwan niya ule), X4, X5, etc...
Type D--Si "Mr. I wanna be happy" ang ating ika-apat na hunk. Konti lang ang description kay "Mr. I wanna be happy" dahil basically, katulad niya si Mr. Fling yun nga lang may konting pagkakaiba. Ang ating fourth man, ayon sa kanya, ay nakita na ang kanyang "true love"... Sigurado siyang mahal niya si babae at kung gugustuhin niya, silang dalawa na talaga til the end of times. ANG KASO NGA LANG, ayon pa rin sa kanya, masyado daw yatang napaaga ang dating ng kanyang Ms. Right at masyado pa daw siyang bata...Gusto pa niyang maging masaya at i-enjoy ang kanyang youth by rubbing elbows with more and more girls...*FLING MODE: ON* Hehehe! astig nu?!
Type E--Kung akala niyo nasabi ko na lahat, hindi pa. Dahil may panghuling tipo pa ng lalaki. Siya si "Mr. Loser"...o "Mr. Pathetic"? Bahala na kayo mamili kung anung gusto niyong itawag sa kanya. Panu ba naman, siya ay single (since birth) at mejo hindi na natutuwa sa nangyayari at gusto na niya maranasan yung "magic" na tinatawag nila. Pero siguro, dahil sa kanyang busy sked and/or idealism, kahit pwede siya pumatol sa kung sinu-sino at mangolekta na lang ng Xs tulad ng iba...ayaw naman niya. Matiyaga siyang naghihintay sa babaeng hindi pa nakikita, na feeling nya, ay para sa kanya. Pero dahil sa nabubuhay siya sa mundong kung tawagin ay Reality, ayun, nabansagan siyang loser. Sa kasalukuyan, single at naghihintay pa rin si Mr. Loser. Walang lovelife. At bilang pampalipas oras, malamang ay gumagawa na lang siya ng blog entries na idadagdag na naman niya sa kanyang blog.
-----------
May ilang taon na rin mula ng isulat ng may akda ang artik na ito. Sa kasalukuyan ay may niluluto na syang artik na pinamagatang "your type of girl". Abangan.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
of fireworks and memories
He got home late today. It's Friday and he'd been in a regular chit-chat with some friends. As he reached his bedroom, he switched off his MP3 and changed clothes. He has just worn his pambahay when he noticed colorful fireworks fill the night sky. Because of his fascination with fireworks and for some reasons, he felt like it was a new year's eve (when actually, it's not). And then he remembered something he thought he had buried in the deepest part of his heart. It was already dark when she was dismissed. They decided to take dinner first as he hasn't eaten lunch yet. And as always, she scolded him as if she were his mom; that he should never skip meals blah blah blah blah... When they finished, they decided to take a walk. The whole place was yellow (because of the light posts along the covered walk) and was unusually quiet. Inside him, he could hear his heart pounding as it never did before. It was the night when he decided to disclose everything... to tell her everything that he has been feeling for her... and to finally end it for his sake... for their sake...
He finally broke the silence and told her he needed to say something. They stopped and decided to sit down somewhere. And there, he told her everything.
The next day, they were in his room. He was lying comfortably in the bed as she was sitting beside her. Until then, she still cant believe what happened, what he told her the night before. Through her eyes, he can see her asking him why he had to leave "everything" behind.
"Alam mo ba kung bakit ako aalis?" he asked.
"Bakit?"
"It's because there are feelings which are not worth fighting for..."
It hurt him when he said that, but he meant it. And then he thought of asking her once and for all, thinking that if he hears it straight from her--that the feeling is not mutual--it would be easier for him to move on.
And so he got up from where he was lying down, looked at her, and asked her--"Is this worth fighting for...?"
She didn't answer.
He told her not to be shy to say "NO" and that it would be easier for him to move on if he hears it from her. After all, she should say "no" because she is not available... and she never will be.
Still, she didn't answer and told him that he doesn't understand and that she can't answer his question yet.
He needed and wanted to hear her answer but he cant wait. It was never right in the first place. And the only right thing to do was for him to let go and move on. This is the only thing that's right--for him, for her, and for the other guy.
.
.
.
.
.
He never knew her answer. But as promised, he has buried his feelings and left everything in the past... The next time he'll get them, he'll be sure that it will be for the right girl at the right time...
The fireworks are gone... and so is his feeling for her. It felt like a new year's eve... And yes, it is.
-------------------
This was written a few years ago. Another imported blog. :)
usapang banyo: a mini-experiment
Kanina lang, gumawa ako ng isang mini-experiment sa labas ng CR sa SM. Hinihintay ko kasi ang pamilya ko dahil lahat sila ay nag-CR. Ako lang ang hindi. Hindi ko trip jumingle kanina eh.
THE QUESTION:
SINO ANG MAS MAHILIG/ MAS MADALAS MAG-CR--LALAKE O BABAE?
BAKIT LAGING SIKSIKAN ANG CR NG MGA BABAE?
The Experiment:
Habang naghihintay ako sa labas ng CR (mga 5mins din yun), binibilang ko kung ilan ang pumapasok sa CR na lalaki at babae. Binibilang ko din kung ilan ang lumalabas sa bawat pumapasok. (mahirap din ang experiment dahil maraming tao..pero dahil curious ako, go lang! haha!)
My Initial Theory:
Sa buong buhay ko, ang akala ko, mga babae ang mas mahilig mag-CR o mas madalas magpunta sa CR. Well, makikita naman yan sa haba ng pila at sikip sa CR nila.. (tumitingin kasi ko sa loob ng ladies' room kapag kasama ko sila mama at hinihintay ko sila matapos mag-CR). Kaya ayun, inaasahan ko na GIRLS ang mananalo sa experiment ko. Kaya nagulat ako sa result ng experiment ko.
The Result:
*drum roll*
MAS MARAMING NAGC-CR NA LALAKE!!!!
Ayon sa aking experiment, sa loob ng 5 minuto kong pagtayo sa labas ng CR, 15 lalake ang pumapasok sa CR versus 9 na babae. Ibig sabihin (obvious sa figures), mas maraming pumapasok at nagpupunta ng CR na lalake.
Ang siste:
Sa bawat 15 lalakeng jumijingle, 12 ang lumabas agad (w/in 5 min na naghihintay ako). Ang mga babae, sa 9 na pumasok ng CR, 3 lang ang lumabas within 5 min!!!!
CONCLUSION:
Ayon sa aking experiment, mas maraming lalake ang nag-CCR..Pero hindi ito halata dahil mabilis lang gumamit ng banyo ang mga lalake kaya hindi napupuno ang banyo. Sa kaso naman ng mga babae, kaya lang siksikan sa CR nila, kasi sa bawat 9 na pumapasok, 3 lang ang lumalabas agad (dahil sa kung anu-ano bagay na ginagawa nila sa loob). Kamusta naman iyon?! Hindi nga katakataka na magsiksikan at maging box-office sa loob ng CR nila.
Kaya sa susunod na makakita ako ng ladies' room na box office, ALAM NA!
------------------------
This is an imported blog from my unofficial blog site before. It's been a while since I last conducted personal mini-experiments such as this. Makagawa nga ule minsan! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
